You really coming over, don't trick.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
