I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
