I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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