Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
