I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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