so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
