You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
