In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
