I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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