I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
