I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
