You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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