So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
