Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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