You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
