So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
