I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
