I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
