I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
