Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Randomize
