I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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