I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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