I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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