Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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