u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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