Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
