ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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