I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
this hospital has no fireball
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
