the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
