I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
