Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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