ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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