I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
