Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
