were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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