I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
