Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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