That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need water and some morals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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