she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
