I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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