We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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