I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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