HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
