I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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