It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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