JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
