This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
