I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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