My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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