ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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