I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
