ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
