How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
