So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
