The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
