she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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