haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
