just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
