just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
